Of Monsters and Angels
by MaggieMaybe160
Summary: Dean's in Purgatory but something's wrong. Something's different and Cas is missing.
1. Chapter 1

"We're in Purgatory?" Dean asked incredulously. The angel's eyes bounced from the surrounding trees to Dean's face repetitively. "How do we get out?"

"I'm afraid we're much more likely to be ripped to shreds," Cas let his dark blue eyes seer into Dean's green ones. There was no cushioning this blow. They were surrounded by monsters and Dean could feel the fear seeping into his skin, making his blood run cold.

A growling behind Dean forced him to turn and meet a pair of beady red eyes. "Cas, I think we'd better go-" He had turned to face Cas but Cas was gone. Darkness pressed in on Dean and fear ripped into his throat, "Cas!"

There was no answer. Dean stood still, holding his knife and turning slowly, feeling like prey rather than predator. The attack was a blur of motion and blood. Dean gave into instinct and felt his blade ripping through the monsters that surrounded him. He looked around himself at the blood and carcases. He looked down at himself at the blood and dirt that was already caked onto him. He wiped his blade against his thigh and looked through the dark.

"Cas, please."

* * *

Dean listened, his ears perking at the sound of trouble lurking nearby. He crouched and tightened his grip on his blade, ready for the imminent fight. His attacker pounced and Dean stabbed, a rewarding yelp of pain coming from the beast. Dean put space between him and the now injured predator, straining to see in the dark. There was no sound for a moment and the darkness pressed in, seeming to thicken the longer he waited for a telling sound. He heard them approaching and he stabbed again, this time holding this movement before ripping his blade upward, gutting the thing. The cries of pain were loud but fading. His hand was slick with the blood but he kept his hand there as the beast died. Dean waited for the whimpers to fade to nothing before he kept moving, keeping his steps light and unheard.

Night was the most dangerous for Dean. There were plenty of creatures here with night vision who were nocturnal. While he couldn't see in the pitch black of Purgatory, he was trained to hear every noise around him. Being a human made him a target but being a hunter kept him alive. He wished he had his lucky charm with him- his blue eyed lucky charm of an angel.

Day hunting wasn't any better. While he could see, he didn't like what he could see. Trees were everywhere. Crunchy leaves waiting to announce your position were scattered all over the ground. There was no edible vegetation or colorful flowers. There was just a dull colored world surrounding him. The beasts he was oh so used to fighting on Earth were there, too. Sometimes only a single being would come after him, sometimes a group or a horde. He handled it, slicing through the endless opponents and he tried to keep from flashing back to Hell.

It was hard not to remember Hell in a place like this as he tore others apart. He remembered being let loose on the damned souls after 30 years of torture. He remembered the feeling of his anger and fear driving him to skin, tear, burn, sear, ruin these souls before putting them back together again to start over and over again. The difference here was that the hunt was able to fight back. He wasn't just torturing- he was killing as many monsters as he could. The difference was that in Hell, he had nothing to fight for.

Here, now, he had an angel to find.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean needed to sleep. He hadn't slept since he'd arrived in Purgatory. He looked up the tree he stood closest to. He knew it was his only shot at sleeping. Dark was already settling and he didn't have anymore fight in him. He grabbed onto the tree and began to climb. Between the no food and no sleep, Dean felt like he was going to die. He found a sturdy branch and tied himself to the tree like he'd seen that one chick do in The Hunger Games.

"I just need an hour," Dean promised himself, his eyes already closing. "I just need Cas," he whispered as he lost consciousness, strapped to the tree.

* * *

 _Cas walked into the room where Dean was stuck on the couch, his leg in a sturdy cast. He had pie. Dean sat up a little and grinned, motioning for Cas to join him on the couch. Cas sat at the end of the couch and took out a fork. Dean watched with an eyebrow raised as Cas put a small amount of pie onto the fork._

" _You don't eat, Cas," Dean reminded the angel. Cas nodded._

" _You do," He lifted the fork to Dean's mouth and Dean grinned. He opened his mouth and took the bite slowly, letting the fork be taken from his lips but leaving it clean. Dean bit into the pie and ash filled his mouth. Dean yelped and started scraping it off of his tongue._

" _Cas, what's wrong with that pie?"_

" _Nothing. Maybe you can't eat either, Dean," Cas said with a tilt to his head. Dean looked at the pie again only to see the gray sludge of the turducken slammer._

* * *

Dean woke up feeling like he was ready to puke but his stomach was still empty. He looked around and reminded himself silently that this was progress. He'd slept maybe an hour in the days that he'd been here. He was still tired.

"Cas," Dean whispered, still half asleep as he rearranged himself just enough to shake off his last dream. "Come back to me."

* * *

 _Cas was sitting on Dean's lap, the angel's legs straddling Dean. His tie was loose and the buttons on his shirt were undone. The trenchcoat was on the floor. Cas held a burger in his hand and took a large bite but didn't chew or swallow. Dean opened Cas's mouth with his own, stealing the food from the angel's mouth with his tongue. He gulped it down before continuing to kiss Castiel._

 _Cas held up the burger again. Dean lifted a hand to try to take it. "No hands," Cas warned. Dean put his hands on Castiel's ass to keep from grabbing the food. Cas offered the burger to Dean and Dean took a large bite from it, his eyes trained on Castiel's. He groaned at the contact and the motion of finally eating._

" _I'm not getting full," Dean complained._

" _I'll fill you, Dean," Cas promised._

Dean jerked awake, suddenly very awake. He needed Cas, but a little more pressingly, he needed a god damn burger.


	3. Chapter 3

"Don't kill me!" The vampire shrieked. When Dean kept pressed his blade against his prey's throat, the vampire screamed again. "I know where the angel is!"

"Excuse me?" Dean let up but only enough to let the vamp speak.

"You're the human who showed up with the angel. I know where he went."

"Spit it out," Dean growled, his knife forcing a bead of blood to drip from the being's neck. The information came in panicked squeals and it wasn't even a little useful.

Cas had been spotted in this area days ago. There was no direction for where he had gone. There was no _currently_. Dean gritted his teeth and slammed the blade into the neck of the monster. The head rolled and Dean wiped the blood splatter from his face.

* * *

"Where's the angel?" Dean had started asking every single monster he killed, night and day. He whispered it, his blade already to the throat of an unidentifiable monster. The hunted jerked awake in the dark and squirmed, snarling. If no answer was forthcoming, Dean ended their fight with a stab to the heart, face, or their head rolling. If they answered, he sliced into them anyway, clearing the path to his angel, one monster at a time.

* * *

"Fuck," Dean cursed, using his jacket to stop the flow of blood in his leg. The fight hadn't been a fair one but he had won. Two massive werewolves had decided to try to rip into him. Dean didn't have time to ask the one question that mattered. His life had been on the line. He had killed them both and now sat between their two bodies as he tried to get his leg to stop bleeding. He had other injuries but they were all clotting or slowing. This was a deep cut.

He fished into his pockets and found dental floss. Regular people probably didn't carry dental floss around in their jackets but they also probably didn't pair dental floss with sewing needles very often. Dean threaded the floss into the needle and stared at his leg. There was no sterilization of equipment. There was nothing to bite down on or anything to clean the wound with. He laughed a little at the thought of dying from an infection in Purgatory.

He yanked his jacket higher on his leg and pulled it tight, turning it into an effective tourniquet. He took a deep breath and held it for a moment. He let it go at the same time as plunging the needle into his skin. He gritted his teeth against the sharp pain and pushed it up through the other side of the gash. He inhaled sharply and heard Sam telling him not to be a baby. He pushed forward, finishing his stitches and tying it off with a perfect surgeon's knot. Maybe he had done this too many times.

He winced as he stood but he knew he couldn't stay in one place for too long. He had to keep moving. He forced himself to not limp. There was no way he was showing pain in a world full of predators. He felt fear alongside his pain. Limping wasn't usually an optional choice but it had to be here. He walked slowly but he kept the weight equal, appearing normal if not extremely cautious.

He would not fall under the prey category. Not today. Not while still trying to find his angel.


	4. Chapter 4

It had been a week and three days since Dean and Cas had been dumped into Purgatory. It had been a week and three days since Dean had seen Cas. It felt more like an eternity.

He sat alone, caked in mud and blood. He was starving and he felt it. He was running on empty and the daily and constant onslaught of fights wasn't doing him any favors. His stomach gave a loud growl and Dean closed his eyes as he lifted the meat to his lips.

"Hamburger," Dean whispered through the bite. It was cooked and hot. It was also the meat off of the last beast that had lost to him. He tried to ignore that his monster meat had been mostly humanoid, with large sharp teeth and it had been able to speak English. He was essentially a cannibal now. He had tried to find literally anything else to eat but the vegetation was poisonous or nonexistent and there were no creepy crawlies like lizards. There were no birds flying above or perched in trees. The only food source was your hunted kill.

"I'm eating a hamburger and I have a beer to drink. Sam is coming back with a pie. Cas is eating with me," Dean told himself quietly as he took more bites, his stomach filling. As long as he kept lying to himself he wouldn't lose his lunch.

There was a crunch behind him and Dean sprang to his feet, blade in hand. He whipped around and slashed, the blade slicing through a vampire. He exhaled, trying to let go of the surge of adrenaline but there was no escape.

He pressed himself to the tree he was next to and closed his eyes, trying to even his breathing.

"Who's the monster now?" Dean knew the voice before he saw it's speaker. Gordon Walker.

"You," Dean answered, his eyes snapping open and his hand tightening on his blade.

"Why is it that you, a human, is in Purgatory? Purgatory is for monsters like that _angel_ you lost and that brother that belongs here."

"You lost, Gordon. Go or I will kill you."

"That's where you're wrong, Dean." Gordon and Dean were now circling each other slowly: Dean's hand flexing around his weapon and Gordon allowing his fangs to show. "You owe me that kill. You let your monster of a brother kill me and he lives? I don't think so."

"Get over yourself, Gordon, and look in a mirror."

The talking was over. The two men paused their circling for half a second before Gordon pounced. Dean grunted as he kept Gordon's fangs away from him. The hunter grabbed the vampire and threw him to the ground with all of his weight behind him. Gordon struggled. He was used to his kills being easy. Dean had something to fight for unlike everything else in Purgatory. _The angel._

Dean wiped blood from his face and cleaned his blade on his jeans. Gordon's decapitated head had rolled further but his lifeless body was still next to Dean. Yeah, he had something to fight for. And nothing, not even Gordon Walker, was going to stand in the way.


	5. Chapter 5

He didn't know how long it had taken him to start loving the fight again. Sure, Sam wasn't here, but there was still a goal: mow down every son of a bitch and find Cas. That was what he did. He fought for days and nights, slicing, stabbing, punching, biting, eating, killing everything that stepped in his way. He would often pause and ask rather savagely, "Where's the angel?" Everyone knew what he was talking about because there was only one human and one angel in Purgatory and they both had to be looking for each other, right?

He was met with lies and deceptions, manipulations and stalling. He would get his answers and he would quickly kill them. On nights where he was hungry, he would build a fire and eat his monster burger. It was the only way to survive. On days and nights where he didn't eat, Dean refused to build a fire. He couldn't keep drawing attention to himself if he could help it.

There was never a time that Dean wasn't on edge. He knew he was hunted and he knew that everyone around him knew that he was hunting them to get to his angel. There was no deception in that. Everyone had a level playing field. There was a certain beauty to it. A choreography of slaying, screaming, growling, murder. There was no time for research, study, or grief. There was no time to think about his brother back on Earth or Kevin, their prophet. There wasn't time for Dean to get caught up wondering how the innocents on Earth were without the dynamic Winchester duo.

All Dean had time to think about was Cas because his angel was his only goal. He would stay alive long enough to see those deep blue eyes and hear that deep voice that had once proclaimed, "I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition." Dean rubbed his shoulder idly as he walked, remembering the puffed pink skin of Castiel's handprints on his own freckled skin. The marks were long gone, healed many times over by the same angel who had marked him, but the memory was still there, etched forever.


	6. Chapter 6

"What? No thanks for savin' your hide?" The southern drawl trickled out of the vampire. Dean circled with him, moving his legs and flexing his hand around the handle of his blade.

"Sure," Dean lifted his blade. "I won't shove this up your ass."

The vampire offered a way out and was met with a disbelieving laugh and the resistance of a man on a mission. There would be no leaving Purgatory without the mission complete.

"First, we find the angel." Dean wasn't entirely sure he even wanted to leave. Why would he? This had been what he liked about hunting up top. The release of killing the guilty and truly evil was intoxicating. Everything was so pure. Even the most innocent could be dropped into Purgatory and come out a monster, having a kill count higher than their mind ever could have imagined. Dean's was already past keeping track of.

* * *

"Let's get moving," Dean grunted, grabbing his blade and ignoring the dried blood on the side of his face. Benny didn't argue.

Dean was tracking but Benny didn't know who, what, or how. It was obvious in the way Dean held his blade to the throat of the monster and asked, "Where's the angel?" He was more predator than prey as he held the blade and stared down his victim.

The answer was squeaked out that there was a river a few days trip from where they stood. Dean grinned, "I believe you." He drew back the blade and slammed it home, through the neck, into the tree. He was going to find Cas.

* * *

"It's quiet," Benny said. It had been days since they had had a quiet day of travel. Quiet was an unfair term to the screams of agony in the distance. The raw air was loud with every snap and crunch of the twigs and leaves under Dean's boots.

"Yeah," Dean nodded. His shoulders remained tense, waiting to find something to kill.

"Tell me about the angel," Benny ventured, stepping into dangerous territory.

"Cas," was all Dean said. The name hung in the air. "Cas saved me from Hell." Memories sparked in Dean's mind. The wails from Hell filling his head. His own screams, "Sam!" The pain...the intense pain that had ripped him apart day after day after day.

"Yes," Dean said out loud as he remembered being asked to torture others for what must have been the billionth time. His hand tightened on his blade as he remembered the release of tearing others to shreds and relishing in their pain. Dean could hear their screams in his head as he remembered the torture.

In the wailed moans, the shrieking, the desperation of the tortured souls, he had heard a single name but had forgotten it until the seance with Pamela, "Castiel." He remembered staring into the mirror at the gas station, his shoulders burning, and finding two handprints. The glass shattering around him as Cas spoke to him for the first time.

Cas walking toward him in the barn, the lights shattering and sparking, sending dazzling lights all around the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. The massive wings unfurling behind him, their shadow cast on the wall behind him, a display of raw power and divine beauty. This was the creature that had saved him from Hell. This was the creature that stole him from Hell and Earth. This was the creature that Dean would go to the ends of every world to save.

"She must be a fine angel,"Benny offered after the silence had gone on. Dean felt his heart twist.

"Cas is the best thing that has ever happened to me." Dean cleared his throat. "What about you? Any story that you're trying to return to up there?" Just like that the gates had closed. As Benny talked, Dean listened but his mind was still on Cas.


	7. Chapter 7

Dean spotted her before Benny. Dean remembered killing her on Earth… betraying his brother. Amy Pond. He remembered and he had felt guilty about it ever since. He put a hand on Benny's shoulder to stop his moving. Benny followed Dean's stare to the woman and he mouthed, "Cas?"

Dean shook his head. He signaled to leave her alone and go around. He felt guilty about how things had gone with Sam. He may have been wrong in killing her. He may have jumped the gun. He may have been wrong. He wasn't ready to face her and find out that she was back to being the monster she was born to be. He wasn't ready to prove Sam wrong by seeing her true nature.

They kept walking, carefully skirting around her with Dean making a point to not look her way.

* * *

"You said somethin' about a brother," Benny said as they made camp for the night.

"Sam," Dean grinned. "My kid brother."

"He a hunter, too?" Benny knew the answer already. Of course he was a hunter.

"Yeah. He got out once. He went to college and he had a girl. I took that away from him." Dean sighed but smiled again. "When he went to Hell, I got out and I had a girl. Then he took that away from me. I wanted back in, though. I needed to get back in- get back to hunting."

"Killing vamps really that satisfyin'?" The vampire asked with a small smile.

"It wasn't that year. I got bit that year and Sam… He didn't have a soul. He let it happen. I thought I was going to die. I knew I was going to die. Then he gave me this crap magic potion to drink and I was human again." Benny nodded knowingly.

"Why did you take it away from Sam?" Benny asked.

"I needed him. Dad was missing. My drill sergeant. My order giver. He was just gone. Sam wouldn't have cared. They fought relentlessly. I cared and I needed him. I thought I needed him. I needed the only family I had left." Dean shook his head, ridding the memory. "What were you like before all this?"

"I was a stud, can't you tell?" Benny gestured to himself with a lazy smile. Dean laughed. The two sat back to back as night fell, talking in hushed voices of their human lives, allowing themselves to forget the species difference for just the night.

* * *

The next day they were fighting again. They'd each slept only long enough to blink before they were on their feet, blades in hand as they slashed away at the horde that had stumbled across them in the night. Most were dead but Dean's adrenaline was starting to die out under his exhaustion and daily failures. His morale dwindled with every day he didn't find Castiel.

"Dean!" Benny called out a warning but he was too late. Dean was pushed forward with an intense force and his head slammed into a rock. There was no time to brace himself, cry out, or watch the world fade out. Everything was black.


	8. Chapter 8

Dean woke groggily. The rest of the monsters were gone. Only one remained and his name was Benny. Dean groaned and reached for his head. "Let's get moving," Dean grunted as he stood up. Benny didn't argue. He watched Dean with slight concern and waited for the hunter to stop wavering.

"Onwards and upwards, brotha," Benny said after a moment and the two continued. They were close enough to the stream that they could hear it.

Dean's head hurt but as he walked, it cleared. He was getting closer. He didn't know how but he knew that Cas would be at that stream. Cas would be there waiting for him. His pace was fast enough that Benny had to half jog to keep up. Dean's heart was leaping in his chest as he pushed the branches away and looked into the clearing to find

No one.

"Cas!" Dean screamed. His heart shattered. Benny could hear it.

"We need to go, Dean," Benny said quietly.

"I'm not leaving!" Dean shouted. Benny looked taken aback but he put up his hands. Dean turned away from Benny again and started pacing. "Something's wrong."

"How could somethin' be wrong? Maybe that critter lied," Benny offered. Dean rounded on him again.

"It's wrong!" Dean shouted. "He's supposed to be here!" His head hurt. The light was coming in stronger. He shut his eyes but the pain persisted, every noise heightening. "He's- agh," Dean groaned, his hands covering his ears as the migraine seared his brain.

 _Dean saw Cas crouched by the stream. He saw himself embracing Cas, patting him on the back. He saw Benny and Cas arguing. He watched as Cas fell, his grasp on Dean's hand slipping as Dean went through a portal._

"Dean," Benny's hand on Dean's back brought Dean back. He had no idea what was happening. Was it a vision? Dean brushed him off and stood up. The pain in his head was gone and he looked around again.

"We should probably get goin'," Benny suggested, looking around at the empty space.

"We aren't going anywhere without Cas."

"The angel ain't here. Maybe she's dead," Benny said the last bit softly and Dean felt fear and rage erupt in his chest. Before he could stop himself he threw a punch, his fist connecting with Benny's jaw.

"Say that again," Dean warned, every muscle in his body tensed to fight. Benny crouched into a defensive stance and put his hands out.

"I'm sorry, brotha." Dean didn't answer. He kept his eyes on Benny waiting for his only friend to tell him that the love of his life was dead because of the monsters here. Benny didn't say a word.

"Cas is an angel. _He_ 's not dumb and he's not an easy kill. He's not fucking dead," Dean said. Benny bit back his surprise at the pronouns Dean insisted on using but didn't argue it.

"What if he don't want to be found?" Benny asked. Dean flared but didn't move. "Maybe he just ain't at this stream. We can keep asking."

"If he were to be found, here's the place," Dean said through gritted teeth.

"Dean-" Benny was cut off with another punch from Dean. He had no time to react as Dean's fists pushed him into the ground. When he finally did let up, Benny was bleeding on the floor. A few vampire fangs were on the ground next to Benny with a few human teeth. His face was a mask of blood.

"Tell me that he's not here. That he's dead. Tell me that we should leave without him." Dean stood over Benny with his blade in his hand. His hands were covered in blood but he stood perfectly still and his breathing was perfectly even. There was no sign that Dean had been pummeling Benny into the ground only seconds before. Benny didn't move or speak. "Go." Dean took a step back and turned his back.

Benny got up slowly and didn't bother brushing himself off. When Dean turned around again Benny was long gone. The only evidence that he had ever been there was the blood in the dirt and a few discarded and broken teeth.


	9. Chapter 9

Castiel debated with himself, his hand on the doorknob. He wanted so desperately to open the door. He silently argued with himself before his heart won over. Through that door was Dean Winchester and Cas was there to see him.

Cas turned the knob and opened the door. The door slammed shut behind him, seemingly locking him in. He couldn't move. Everything in his body turned to ice as he faced the daunting trees and terrifying landscape that had haunted him for so long. Screams of the hunted pierced through Cas and the howling of the victorious creeped through him. He shuddered.

"Dean!" Castiel shouted. He was afraid. He knew Dean was in here, he just didn't know where. A twig snapped and Cas grew very still, his throat catching his next call out. He waited for a second sound, his eyes scanning the scene around him.

In the darkness, between the trees, were beady red eyes. Castiel remembered those eyes. He stayed still for a moment before remembering how many times he had killed a beast like this. A voice in the back of his mind reminded him that Dean had been by his side. He shook off the feeling and reminded himself that he was here to save- see- he was here to _see_ Dean.

The gorilla wolf pounced, it's breath hot on Castiel's face, it's massive body pinning him to the filthy ground. Cas lifted his hand and let his angel blade fall into it. He stabbed upward into the beast, gritting his teeth as the single monster crumpled on top of him. Cas threw it off to the side and looked around the surrounding area before getting up. There were more, he knew it. He could feel it. He just couldn't see it.

He looked down at himself and cursed over the amount of blood that now covered him. He knew he could have been cleaner. It was no use now. He wiped his blade and sheathed it, taking steps into the woods.

"Dean, please," Cas muttered to himself. He was letting the fear win as he walked further into the darkness of the trees. They sprang up all around him and never seemed to end. The silence of night was oppressive. There was nothing to hear except his own heartbeat and careful steps. He hated feeling this way, especially knowing that Dean was in here somewhere, battling.

In the distance Cas heard a howling moan of a beast defeated. It sounded painful and loud. There was a guttural scream, marking the end to the agony of the creature. Castiel tried not to think about it and pressed himself against a tree. He could still see because he was an angel, but that didn't make his fear ebb. He dug his fingers into the bark to reassure himself that this was real.

He reminded himself why he was here. Dean Winchester is somewhere in here, alone. Cas needed to find him. Not to mention, the door out had slammed shut and disappeared. There was no way out for Cas now. There was only finding his hunter in this mess.

He tried to think of what he had done last time he was in this predicament and quickly felt the tug at his heart. Last time he had left Dean behind to keep him safe and to punish himself. Last time he had been so lost and unhappy, guilty and afraid. Last time was different. This time, he was here and he was going to find Dean. He was going to save Dean from this nightmare and tell him the truth. He had waited too long to tell Dean that he was in love with him.

The truth was, Castiel had been in love with Dean since the moment he came face to face with the hunter in the barn in Illinois. He had known when he had looked into those green eyes and seen his own future of saving people and hunting things. He had known something was special about Dean when he had laid his hands on Dean and instead of just ripping him from Hell and sending him back to his body on Earth, the electricity had sparked and Dean was marked. Cas had known when Dean had prayed to him for the first time and it was the loudest and most prominent prayer that he had ever heard. He knew he was in love with Dean Winchester. It was about time he did something about it.

Cas looked around in the darkness and wondered what he had gotten himself into. This wasn't what was supposed to happen. He didn't know what to expect but it wasn't this. The old feelings of self punishment creeped into his veins as he waited out the terrifying night. He remembered the times he had let the Winchesters down. He reminded himself of all the times he had done good things for them. He wasn't that broken angel anymore. He had worked hard to be where he was today. Oddly enough, the scenery hadn't seemed to change.

 _Where did I go? Where was I when he found me?_ Cas thought to himself. He remembered the stream as he heard the leaves crunching. He was being hunted. He began to run, his heart slamming in his chest. _I'm coming, Dean._


	10. Chapter 10

Cas walked into the clearing. Dean sprang to his feet at the sound of footsteps and immediately froze at the sight of Cas. His green eyes softened and his shoulders relaxed. The blade he was holding fell to the ground with a _thud_.

"Cas." His voice broke on the single word and Cas let himself breathe a sigh of relief.

"Hello, Dean." Dean unfroze, running to Cas and pulling his angel against him in a tight hug. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean just as tightly, closing his eyes and pressing his face into Dean's neck. Cas would have been content if this moment never ended.

"Cas, where were you? Why aren't you wearing your scrubs? You look like you just got here." Dean was running his hands over Cas as if checking to make sure he was real. Cas furrowed his brow and caught Dean's hands gently in his own.

"I did just get here, Dean." Dean didn't take his hands away from Cas's gentle grasp. He held on a little tighter if anything. "Dean, where do you think you are?"

"Purgatory." His hunter smiled a little and looked around as if to illustrate that it was obvious.

"No, Dean…" Cas hesitated before raising one of his hands to Dean's forehead. He pressed two fingers and let Dean see. "You're dead."


	11. Chapter 11

_Dean felt cold. He was on the ground. When had he fallen? His eyes were closed but he forced them open. His back hurt in a weird way, like the pain itself was far away. He couldn't move. He coughed involuntarily and tasted blood._

" _Cas," Dean's deep voice was now barely over a whisper. The sound of feet approaching made him tense._

" _Dean," Cas crouched beside him. "I'm here." Cas looked over Dean with worry in his deep blue eyes. "I can fix this."_

" _No." Dean turned his face away. The sounds around him were growing weaker and the cold was creeping in faster. He knew he was dying. "Cas," was all Dean said. Cas readjusted Dean so his hunter's head was in his lap and they could see each other._

" _Are you in pain?" Cas left his hand on Dean's jaw._

" _Not anymore," Dean smiled a little. "You'll visit me right?"_

" _I'll visit you," Castiel promised. Cas rested his free hand on Dean's, which Dean held tightly for a moment. Dean watched the angel's worried face as he tried to comfort him. He was at a loss for how to comfort Cas as he left._

" _I love you," Dean breathed out, the darkness sweeping in and taking him away from Cas._

* * *

Dean stumbled back and shook the memory away. "I'm dead," Dean repeated numbly. Castiel watched his hunter's face with worry in his blue eyes. "When? How long ago? How are you here?"

"You died about a month ago. I gave you a hunter's funeral before coming here." Cas looked away for a moment. "Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Why Purgatory? Why is this your Heaven?" Dean didn't miss the crack of worry and sadness in the angel's voice and Cas didn't try to cover it.

"You weren't here," Dean answered before he could think. The words hung in the air between them. "My Heaven isn't Heaven without you," Dean said after a moment. Cas lit up, hope in his eyes before Dean cupped his angel's face between his hands and kissed him gently. Cas's permanently chapped lips were oddly soft against Dean's. Dean pulled away just enough to look into Cas's deep blue eyes.

"You're here," Dean whispered. Around them, the trees of Purgatory seemed to fade away to a brighter landscape with a single road. Parked beside them was a familiar shining black Impala with tan interior, toy soldiers, initials, sigils and all.

"I'm here," Cas whispered back as Dean moved his hands from his angel's face to his hands. Dean felt himself smile, finally feeling contentment.

"Will you have to go?" Dean asked, worry seeping into the moment.

"I broke into Heaven to come here, Dean. I closed the door behind me. I have no intention of leaving you." Cas squeezed Dean's hands gently.

"Let's see what our Heaven really is, then," Dean grinned.


	12. Chapter 12

Dean headed to the car, pulling the keys from his pocket. Cas followed, sliding into the passenger seat. One hand on the steering wheel and the other in Castiel's left hand, Dean drove down the road. The scenery looked familiar but vague enough that Dean couldn't place it.

The road ended in the driveway of a small home. The yard was beautiful with a kept lawn and flower garden. The house was a Summery yellow with a black roof. Dean looked at Cas with a raised eyebrow. Cas smiled just a little and got out of the car.

"Is this-?" Dean got out of the car, looking at the house that he had dreamed of.

"Our Heaven," Cas said softly.

* * *

Dean finally felt like he was able to breathe. His angel's head was on his bare chest and Dean's arm was wrapped around him. Their home was a perfect mesh of the hunter and angel. The closet had both trench coats and flannels. The shoe rack in the closet had shined black dress shoes and worn boots. Pictures of family adorned the walls. Beer in the fridge on the bottom shelf and a homemade pie on the top shelf. A picture of Dean and Cas in a frame that read, "I'm The One Who Gripped You Tight And Raised You From Perdition."

"I've been in love with you," Dean said gently, looking at the newspaper on the dresser dated _September 18, 2008,_ "for as long as I've known you."

"You think you were alone?" Cas asked, his hand finding Dean's.

They stayed silent for a moment longer before Cas sat up and kissed Dean. The kiss lingered for a moment, their shared happiness, newfound freedom, and newly announced love all present.

"Get dressed, darling."

"Darling? I'm darling now?" Dean asked, a smirk on his face. He didn't hide the fact that he was watching the angel dress himself in the suit that had been discarded on the floor earlier.

"Yes."

"Okay, _honey._ "

Dean left the room a little after Cas, savoring the way it felt to walk in this _home_. His home. Castiel's home. Their shared and perfect _home._ He walked out to find Sam and Jack sitting on the couch in the living room with Cas.

"What?" Dean looked at Cas with all of the questions in his eyes.

"I opened a backdoor to let Sam and Jack in to visit. Jack is allowing Sam to be here. Neither of them are dead, yet." Cas explained as Dean's eyes moved to his brother. Sam let out the heavy exhale of a breath that hadn't been let out in years.

"Dean," Sam grinned, getting up. The brother's hugged tightly and Dean felt all of the pain Sam had gone through when he'd lost his brother for real.

"I'm okay, Sammy. Jack will still bring you to visit me but don't go dying, alright? The kid needs you."

After a dinner of burgers ( _real_ burgers) and beer, Jack hugged his fathers goodbye and left with his final remaining dad. Dean sat back into the couch next to Cas and smiled.

"I have a question," Dean said as he washed the dishes side by side with his angel. He passed the clean plate to Cas to wash. Cas gave him a look as if to say, "Go ahead."

"Why are you staying here with me? Sam and Jack…"

"I thought that was fairly obvious, Dean." Cas dried the plate before turning to face Dean. He took his hunter's rough hands in his. "My place isn't in Heaven as an angel and it hasn't been since September 2008. My place isn't on Earth and hasn't been since you died. My place is by your side, wherever you are, in whatever world you are in. You're here. That's all I need."

"I love you, Castiel." Dean's voice cracked. Their eyes were locked and Dean pulled Castiel to him so they were chest to chest.

"I love you."


End file.
